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Search Results 0 to 9 of about 10 (some duplicates have been removed)
Comedy Central
Jan 21, 2013 11:30pm PST
's not that hard. there once was a man name barack who's re-election came as a shock. he raised the taxes i pay and then turned marriage gay. and now he's coming after your glock. [ laughter ] [cheers and applause] poet laureate, please. now, i'm not going to do a critical deconstruction of obama's partisan screed masquerading as an inaugural speech. now is not the time to criticize. i will just say this, it was a clear call for a radical, collectivist agenda. listen to this language. >> we, the people, still believe that enduring security and lasting peace do not require perpetual war. we, the people, still believe that every citizen deserves a basic measure of security and dignity. for we, the people-- we, the people-- we-- we-- we-- >> stephen: we, we, we. all the way home. [ laughter ] this little piggy is sick of it! socialist overreach is coming. by february we'll all be chained up in solar-powered asparagus gulags being force-fed birth control pills by illegal immigrants who gay-marry us to endangered sea turtles. [ laughter ] my advice: find a good looking turtle-mate soon; you don't wa
Comedy Central
Jan 21, 2013 6:55pm PST
the break-room fridge. or through their. democratically elected representatives, enacts a gun control law of any kind. so we need to be ready. how are we gonna do that? >> it is time to get ready. start working out, start stretching. steerchg so important. you've got to stretch. trust me, when the (bleep) goes down, you do not want to pull a hammy. [cheers and applause] i recommend -- feel the like i'm in a road show of where the wild things are. i recommend hot yoga-- when you're mounting an armed insurrection, you want your chakras to be open. and your butt high and tight. [ laughter ] and you can't blame guys like yeager for being passionate because guns are the civil rights victims of our time. it's no coincidence that most of them are black. [ laughter ] and that i get nasty looks when i sit down with one at a lunch counter. [ laughter ] and i'm not the only one who thinks so. standing with me is larry ward founder of the first-ever gun appreciation day, which happens to be this saturday, the same weekend as martin luther king day. and that's no coincidence. >> i believe that gun app
Comedy Central
Jan 22, 2013 11:30pm PST
. [ laughter ] here is the great part: 'cuz if you applied this plan to the 2012 election, even though five million more people voted for democrat, the republican would have won the presidency by 22 electoral votes. it's win, win! [ laughter ] it's a cinderella story! it's like rocky! [ laughter ] i will admit freely that it's not exactly majority rule, but as much as i love the american people, sometimes the majority just don't know what's good for them. [ laughter ] so i say -- [ laughter ] so do it, republicans, over the next four years, our society's values will continue to evolve along with its demographics, so you must listen to these voters amake sn make s[cheers and appl] >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. thanks so much. [cheers and applause] of course, if you are watching the news like i am, the big story that everybody is talking about tonight: barack obama's power grab at the national park service. [ laughter ] he wants to cut the number of free entrance days from 17 to 11 this summer. once again boo boo barack is trying to put a government bureaucrat between -- yes? >> excuse
Search Results 0 to 9 of about 10 (some duplicates have been removed)